The Struggle is Real

Last weekend, I went rock climbing for the first time. Like for real, outdoors, on a real cliff. I've never even gone to an indoor rock climbing wall because I thought that I could never do something like that. I'm 51 years old and not in the best shape (yet!). My climbing partner and patient teacher took this photo of me after I got partway up (I did finally reach the top...barely!). I really don't like how I look in this photo. At all. But...I love what this photo represents, so that's why I'm sharing it.

To me, this photo represents a few things:

• When you get outside your comfort zone, your comfort zone gets bigger.
• It's okay if part of your journey is easier and part of it is more difficult. Sometimes you can easily find a foothold or a place to hang on to. Sometimes you just have to take a short break, re-evaluate, and find a new route.
• When you have someone encouraging you and helping you, then you can do more than you thought you could.
• When you see that goal just out of your reach, then you really need to dig deep. You might not be graceful about it, but you can reach it.
• You don't have to be good at something, but you can start where you are and just try it. You might actually like it.
• Age is relative. You can do hard stuff. Just don't do foolish stuff. :-)
• It's okay if you struggle. The struggle can make you stronger and smarter if you allow it to.

So, we all have our struggles with something. Some are minor, and some are lifelong. Two of my biggies for most of my life have been a negative self-image and incorporating consistency into good habits and behaviors. But here's what I finally figured out over the past few months, and I finally believe it:

Our struggles do not define our character. Our struggles do not diminish our value as individuals. Our struggles are just part of who we are and are part of what makes us unique. Our struggles can help us have compassion for others who have their own struggles. When we are willing to share what we struggle with, we will often find that we are not alone. We will often find that when we figure out stuff, we can then turn to help others get through their stuff. We often find kindred spirits, lifelong friends.

So anyhow...I used to think that my struggles meant that there was something horribly wrong with me, and sometimes it made me feel like I was unlovable, or who would really want to be a friend with me because of my stuff. (See my earlier blog post titled "Worth Loving.") But now that I've finally turned the corner, I've realized that no one even pays attention to my struggles. Only I do. (They're busy paying attention to their own struggles!) People have liked me and wanted to be my friend just because they liked me and wanted to be my friend. What a novel concept!!

Some things that inspire me through my struggles

#1 is music. #2 is nature. Or maybe it's the other way around. :-) And then there are other people who inspire me. And when I accomplish something that I thought was impossible for me, it propels me into something more.

So, I love this music video by Tim McGraw - "Always Stay Humble and Kind." I love the images, the lyrics, the overall message. Always be humble and kind. Show yourself some respect. Show others some respect. It's simple. Everyone has their own struggles, but the world is big and awesome and beautiful. And we can help each other. Here is a snippet of the lyrics (after the link below):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awzNHuGqoMc

I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind

When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:
Bitterness keeps you from flyin'
Always stay humble and kind

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget to turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind

From sideline-sitting to being engaged in life

And then there's a song performed by Lee Ann Womack - "I Hope You Dance" that's been out for years. Well, I'm not a dancer, but I've sat on the sidelines for much of my adult life. It's no one's fault but my own. The only person stopping me was me. My first glimpse into getting off the sidelines was earning my black belt in TaeKwonDo last year. It was a struggle. A real struggle. I almost quit before earning my first advancement. It was really hard for me. But after I crossed that first hurdle, I then had confidence that I could go on to the next hurdle, even when it was hard. Every belt rank advancement was hard. But I knew that I would eventually get it, all because I didn't quit at the beginning. It took 2 1/2 years to accomplish that (I started at age 48). And I'm grateful for my family and fellow students who encouraged me and cheered me on. My son-in-law, who was also my instructor, was very patient with me. The most empowering thing for me about TaeKwonDo is breaking boards, so here's what breaking two boards looks like. :-)

So now I'm doing more stuff, being more engaged in life. Being in a supportive role when I can, and then being the one who is supported. It's awesome.

So here are a few lyrics from this song (after the link):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

Dance....I hope you dance.

Edit: Just had to add this song that I forgot about - Beautiful Heartbreak

Hilary Weeks is a fantastic singer-songwriter, who also happens to be a niece of a good friend of mine. She wrote this beautiful song called "Beautiful Heartbreak," and I got to hear her perform this a couple of years ago in person. It really goes along with turning your struggles into something beautiful. Very inspiring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk

A final word...or two

Sometimes by default, we tend to judge others who are struggling with something or another. Or, we are really hard on ourselves. Sometimes we assume that others are struggling because they have done something wrong and are now paying the consequences. While that could be true in some cases, it's usually not. Sometimes we assume that we struggle because we are weak. Again, while that could be true in some cases, it's usually not. We struggle because we are human. It's part of life's experience. Let's lift each other up. Let's allow others to lift us up when we need it.

To quote Maya Angelou: “My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness."