Give Your Younger You a High Five

This is a follow up to my previous post about giving your younger you a hug. I didn't intend to write a follow up post about that, but here we are. I mostly want to write it down for my grandchildren to read when they're old enough to appreciate it, but also for anyone who can relate. So here goes!

There are times in your life when you need to make big decisions. Against logic and everyone else's advice, you do what your inner voice tells you. Sometimes you just feel what you need to do. And when things turn out well because of those decisions, it's high-five time!

If you read my previous post about hugging your younger you, then you know that in my early adulthood, things were really bad financially, and I was trying to work my way out of poverty.

During the time that I lived in subsidized housing, I was working for a prominent high-tech company in Utah. They were paying me $4.75/hour. I couldn't make it on that amount of money, but I had no other options at the time. Finally, I found a new job working for the prominent church in the state. That was a little bit better, but it was still only about $12,000/year. I remember thinking that if I could only make $14,000/year, I could breathe. Or if I could even make $20,000/year, I'd have it made.

A friend and neighbor then told me about a different high-tech company in town, and it seemed too good to be true. I would start out at $24,000/year? And a chance for regular raises? It was unreal! Do I leave a solid job working at the church, or do I take this chance and go into the unknown realm of computer software support? Well, I took the chance, and I never looked back. High five for my younger self! :-)

After a few years of bliss working for that company and finding a low-cost rental home next to some of the best people that I've ever known, the company was acquired by....you guessed it...the other high-tech company that I used to work for, the one that paid me so little. The job was still okay, but I started realizing how much patriarchy and unfairness ruled that company. There were definitely good people that worked there, and I am still friends with some of them to this day. But I could see the unfairness where women were treated different from men, to the point that a small group of women met in my home one day to discuss our options. In our inexperience and lack of legal representation, we hit a dead end. It was then that I realized that I had to make some changes. So I did just that.

I was about 29-30 years old at the time. I looked in to a new program at Utah State University, which offered a bachelors degree in Technical and Professional Writing. So during the next year or so, I took classes at the local college to fulfill some general education requirements for the state of Utah. I researched where to live and where to sign up my daughter for elementary school when the time came to move.

I asked friends for advice, and I specifically remember my local ecclesiastical leader (a good friend, a good man), and he strongly counseled me not to leave my job to go back to school. But my inner voice told me something different. And I followed my own inner voice. High five to my inexperienced, younger self that trusted herself!

All of this was done before the internet that we know today, so the research took a long time. Applying for financial aid, housing, etc. was stressful. And back then (1996), it was almost unheard of to see a 31-year-old single mom in a university setting as a full-time student. And it was unheard of for someone to cash out their entire 401(k) and use it to live on while going back to school. But that's what I did. And to this day, it was one of the best decisions of my life because it opened the gateway to where I am now. Seriously, I look back now and think wow. High five to that 30-something mom AND her daughter for going for it.

I'm not sharing all of this because I think I'm wiser than anyone else. And I don't think that the way that I did things is best for everyone. I feel very fortunate that it worked out in my favor. I feel fortunate that I felt a deep, inner guidance on the path that I should take. Throughout my life, I've rarely, if ever, received answers to decisions while praying. I've always had this inner compass, this inner voice that guided me. I still have it.

I have made some stupid decisions as well, but looking back, some of those decisions and their consequences were necessary for my own growth. Some bad decisions were due to lack of experience or knowledge. Some bad decisions were due to impatience. But when things really counted, I managed to listen to that inner voice that told me when to take a risk, even when it put me far outside my comfort zone and away from friends and family. So high five to that young mom back then in the 1990s.

My cute daughter and I packed up and moved to northern Utah, to Cache Valley, to a wonderful place. We cried as we left our home and friends in Utah County, but a great adventure was ahead of us! She had just completed third grade. We would spend the next two years living in on-campus family housing at the university. And we would have an amazing time. It may seem silly now, but we were so excited to live in that family housing on campus. It was a two-story townhome, and there were 1 1/2 bathrooms! Oh, joy!!! It was the nicest place that we had ever lived in.

We were cash poor, but our lives were so rich. Doing the university thing full time gave me time to be a more "present" mom. We went camping (it was cheap!), canned some peaches, sewed, did some family history and scrapbooking, and lots of things that were just perfect (and cheap!). I volunteered at her school, which was also on the university campus. I taught an internet safety class to the kids (all of this was still new-ish to everyone). My daughter started playing the violin. She got blue ribbons at the fair for things that she made. We have continued some friendships from that time. Cache Valley was good for both of us.

Fast-forward two years. Time for graduation. I got my degree! High five to one of the only nontraditional students at the university! High five to my younger, 20-something friends that welcomed me and were absolutely awesome!

Decision time. Where to live and who to work for. Stay in Utah closer to family? Stay in Utah where I knew pretty much how life would be? Or do something different?

I interviewed with my previous company that was in Utah Valley. I could have slipped back into that company so easily, so effortlessly...and then I realized that I would still also be stuck in a patriarchal work culture. I wasn't a feminist back then, but things just felt wrong there. With my degree, there were more opportunities, and I didn't have to go back to that company. I also interviewed with the church that I had previously worked for. Oh, the salaries were insulting. Really. It was awful.

I was also yearning to learn more about other people. Utah isn't known for its diversity when compared with other areas, and I wanted to learn for myself, and I wanted my daughter to learn about other people who were different from us, whether it be religious, race, cultures, etc. We weren't getting that experience in Utah, and I really wanted it for both of us.

So I interviewed out of state. The company flew me there for an interview, and it was an all-day interview with multiple people in the department that was hiring. I was treated like an equal, I was treated like I knew something and that I could contribute something valuable to this company. It really was a new feeling for me. But I was unsure. We had no family there, no friends, no nothing. But that evening, I drove out of town to explore, and I ended up east of the city and saw fields of corn with the sun setting off to the west. It all suddenly felt right. So I accepted the job offer. High five to the young woman, unsophisticated, inexperienced, but brave enough to strike out on this new adventure with only her young daughter with her.

I want to say that "the rest is history" and that everything was peachy after that. It was and it wasn't. It took more than a year to adjust to this new life. It was hard. Really, really hard. I wanted to move back to Utah so badly for the first year. We weren't really welcomed into our new congregation at church, the school system was completely different, we had no family support, and I was gone at work, leaving my daughter to be one of those latch-key kids. The commute was longer than I had ever had, and I was learning how to be a homeowner (that's a whole other story of buying our first house!). So many changes all at once, so many expensive things happening that year, getting my wits about me at my new job. It was a lot. So here's a high five AND a hug to my 33-year-old self AND to my young daughter for persevering, enduring, and not giving up! I even learned how to use a drill, and my daughter started mowing the lawn! High five to us! :-)

In subsequent years, there were ups and downs, and there still are. But life is good. It's so, so good. I look back and think of that small town girl from Wyoming, the one that learned how to type on a manual typewriter, the one that walked pigeon-toed, the shy one. And look at her now. High five. Still not very sophisticated, but who cares. Still an introvert, but who cares. Still can't cook, but who cares. This small-town girl is brave, takes chances when they need to be taken, and is trying to learn.

My daughter is now a grown woman with children of her own, a confident and beautiful person. And she has taught ME much and has been my friend and confidant along the way. High five to her for never using her upbringing as an excuse for anything. High five to her for pushing through her own difficult stuff and doing what was necessary to improve her life. High five to her for following her own path and her own inner voice.

So take a look back on your own life. Were there times that you were brave, even when it was really, really hard? Have you overcome some hard things? I'll bet you have. Have you made decisions that went against anything logical or "safe" and it all turned out okay? Give your younger you a high five. Be kind to your younger you, even with the mistakes or poor decisions. Forgive yourself for things that turned out less than you expected. Keep at it. Keep going. Give your current self some grace, some allowances, some high fives. In a few years from now, you'll look back and be amazed at how brave you have been, and what things you have endured and overcome. So here's a hug and a high five. Pass it on.