I
can't let this date go by without acknowledging the anniversary of a
religious policy that has caused so much pain for so many people. By the
time that this policy went into effect, I had already left Mormonism,
but I hadn't made it known to very many people at that time. However, I
could not stay silent then, and I will not stay silent now. The leaders
of the church threw God under the bus when they enacted this policy that
denied innocent babies and children the blessings and ordinances that
they claim are essential for salvation.
There were countless people who heard about the policy and didn't believe that the church would do such a thing because it was so despicable and heart-wrenching. But by the next day, many of those same people did an about-face and gave their support to the church and its leaders.
Some of my friends who are still in the church are still troubled by this policy. Other friends left the church because it was the last straw for them. All I can say is that you need to do what's best for you and your family, and I respect that.
But when your heart hurts, it's telling you that something is wrong.
Two years ago...
Two years ago when I heard about the exclusion policy, I posted an article on my Facebook page, along with my commentary.There were countless people who heard about the policy and didn't believe that the church would do such a thing because it was so despicable and heart-wrenching. But by the next day, many of those same people did an about-face and gave their support to the church and its leaders.
Some of my friends who are still in the church are still troubled by this policy. Other friends left the church because it was the last straw for them. All I can say is that you need to do what's best for you and your family, and I respect that.
But when your heart hurts, it's telling you that something is wrong.
Two years ago...
A few people commented and could not believe that the church would do something so horrible. But it was true. The policy was enacted.
Below is my original post from that day (Nov 5, 2015), along with the comments (with names removed).
For the record, I am not okay with this new church policy. This does not affect me directly, but it will affect numerous good, faithful people who have not wanted to choose between their family and their church. When a church starts penalizing and marginalizing children, even babies, for the so-called sins of the parents, I have to say something. I cannot and will not support this.
Why are children of a gay person treated any differently from children of a straight person? Why not widen the circle and penalize children of sex offenders, murderers, adulterers, and addicts? Or why not penalize children who were born out of wedlock like my child was? Why not penalize the children of those who are currently practicing spiritual polygamy? Who is attacking whose family?
"But Jesus said,
Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of
such is the kingdom of heaven." -- Matthew 19:14
http://kutv.com/news/local/lds-church-to-exclude-children-of-same-sex-couples-from-membership
https://www.ksl.com/?sid=37248288&nid=148&title=lds-church-bans-membership-for-children-of-same-sex-couples&s_cid=queue-1
Comment:
"I am completely disgusted by this. I am so done with the church. This was the nail in the coffin."
Comment:
"Nooooooo."
My Comment:
"Unfortunately this is true. I have seen the handbook, and the church PR person has confirmed that this is true."
Comment:
"Yes it's very real... It's being reported on KSL and in the Deseret News, both are church owned media."
Comment:
"The "brethren" have their own handbook. It's true and been confirmed."
Comment:
"Let me know if you ever want to talk. Took me a while to realize I wasn't a "different" Mormon, I just wasn't one of them. The most frightening thing was the thought that my kids could grow up thinking this behavior was ok. I wanted better for them, and it's out there. Promise."
Comment:
" I just don't know how primary teachers will be able to teach lessons about "It's Great to be 8!" But then have to explain to little Sarah that she can't be baptized when she's 8 because she has 2 moms. It's just a mess."
Comment:
"I don't think this scenario is one to fret over. if you're saying that Sarah is in the Primary class listening to "It's Great to be 8!" that scenario is unlikely to occur. Non-member parents, particularly in this case, probably wouldn't send or take their children to Primary."
Comment:
"So if I understand correctly... by excommunicating gay couples their children won't be raised in the church so it won't be a problem? If we kick out the parents we won't have to deal with the children?"
Comment:
"I'm trying to say that you seem concerned about that scenario happening, and that I don't think it will happen, so don't fret over that one. That's all I'm saying."
My Comment:
"Ah, but this scenario WILL happen somewhere at some point. There are children of nonmembers and even excommunicated parents who attend primary, yet they are not prevented from baptism or baby blessings. What happens when one of these children die after age 8 but before they are given permission to be baptized at age 18? I don't see any new policies that cover them. This is sad, and it's not doctrinal that I can see."
Comment:
"I agree with you--it's not the children's faults that their parents chose to be who they are."
My Comment:
"I don't want to start a debate, but none of my gay friends and family members "chose" to be gay. Chose to marry and have children, yes. Chose to be a Mormon, yes. But didn't choose to be gay, but finally chose to love themselves and be who God made them to be."
Comment:
"Thanks for posting. I am so disheartened by this new policy. This seems very far from the gospel of Jesus Christ and the spirit of love."
Comment:
"This is a really hard and sensitive topic. I can't say if I agree or disagree with this because for me it's more complicated than that. I have my own questions and concerns about doctrine and things within the church but I think most people have at least a couple things they question, so whenever I have an issue like this that makes me question things I take myself back to my foundational testimony: I know the church and book of mormon is true because I have received a witness that I cannot deny. Therefore if the church and book of mormon is true, then every apostle and prophet that has lead the church are inspired men called of God. So knowing the church is lead by men called of God with that said my natural thought is 'why would God be so cruel?' but then i have a humbling moment and realize God isn't cruel, because I know he loves me and if he loves me then I KNOW he loves everyone else (because i know i'm not always the easiest to love.) As confusing and conflicting as this may be, I think the most wisest thing is to not jump to conclusions and opinions just yet but trust your foundational testimony. The Family a Proclamation to the World was written 10 years or so before issues in it even became issues. We do not have all understanding but God does and the Prophet and Apostles do know more than we do and that is exactly that I personally have to trust. I am going to use this as an opportunity to bring myself closer to God by praying for comfort and understanding like I did when I first prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true and i'm going to continue to support our church leaders with an understanding that I don't know everything and the only way to gain that understanding is to keep myself close to the spirit"
Comment:
"The LDS church recently denied the daughter of a polygamous family her request to be baptized. Because her family is public (Sister Wives TV show), the first presidency told her she could not join the LDS church. She had already broken the news to her parents that she was changing religions and then she gets rejected. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with what's going on. My beliefs haven't changed but I feel the church turning away from me."
My Comment:
"I was disturbed by that as well. The young lady was clearly not interested in following polygamy, and she said her beliefs aligned with the mainstream Mormon church instead. But because she refused to disavow her family, she was denied baptism. I have a really difficult time when a church forces people to choose between the institution and their family. I'm certain that God does not require this of us. "As I have loved you, love one another.""
My Comment to someone who shared an apologetics article with me:
"Unfortunately, apologetics articles only make things worse for me, especially when they start out saying, "...clearly this is being blown out of proportion by those critical of the Church." I love you. I don't love the new policies, no matter how hard some try to justify it."
My Comment:
From Elder George Q. Cannon, with thanks to "By Common Consent" who first posted this.
“In some minds there seems to be an idea that there should be a different form of blessing for children born of non-members and for those who are identified with the Church; and it is from such sources that in the case of children belonging to members of the Church ‘the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob’ and all the attendant favors are frequently conferred upon the child. This is all wrong. If we take the example of our Lord and Redeemer, who is our pattern and whose example we cannot too closely follow, we find that He blessed all who were brought to Him. We have no hint that He asked whose children they were, or the standing or faith of their parents. His remark was, ‘Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven;’ and He laid His hands upon them and blessed them. All little children, no matter what their parentage may be, are innocent in the sight of heaven, and they should be received as such and blessed as such.”
The Editor [George Q. Cannon], “Topics of the Times,” Juvenile Instructor 34 (March 1, 1899): 137-138. Reprinted in Latter-day Saints’ Millennial Star 61 (March 30, 1899), 198-199; Latter-day Satins Southern Star 1 (April 29, 1899): 170.
Comment:
"So went to bed thinking about this.... And woke thinking about this... After much pondering this is my conclusion. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is about strengthing families. That being said, a gay couple that wants their child to be baptized at 8 years of age will be greatly increasing the chances of serious conflict within themselves and their family. It is not fair to assume that a child can sit in an LDS Primary class, listen to the lessons taught, and easily accept that their parents refuse to abide by one of the Church's fundamental beliefs (marraige is between a man and a woman). With that said I will continue to support and love the leaders of this church. And I agree with this policy change."
My Comment:
"There are some members who are able to reconcile these new policies. There are many who cannot. I'm one of the people who cannot.
It was difficult for my daughter to sit in Primary and YW all her life and listen to lessons about families being together forever when she was denied that blessing because her parent (me) sinned. Because I have not been married and probably never will get married, my daughter and I will never be considered a "forever family" according to church policy. The church equates fornication (something I did) to homosexual relations, adultery, and all kinds of behavior. My daughter grew up being taught that what I did was contrary to the church teachings. She grew up not singing father's day songs because I allowed her to sit out on those Sundays. It did not drive a wedge between her and me.
Why is it fair that my daughter was able to be baptized even though I sinned at a level that is on par with homosexual behavior? Why are children of murderers and sex offenders allowed to be baptized? Those parents aren't living church standards, either. There is one child that I know of who was scheduled for baptism tomorrow. Her mom is active LDS and divorced from the dad, who is now in a gay relationship. The dad approves of the baptism, but the girl is not allowed to be baptized. How is that fair to the child who has looked forward to baptism her whole life, only to be told the day before that she cannot be baptized due to the new policy? As time goes on, we will hear more examples of how this policy is causing division among families. How many more suicides of gay members will be tolerated before there is a message of love and inclusion instead of banning children from ordinances?
While I understand the points that some people are making regarding the baptisms, I do not understand why the church would deny a name and a blessing to a baby who is not making any covenants during the blessing. There is nothing divisive about a baby blessing.
You are a good person. I love your family immensely. We will just need to leave it at a disagreement that I hope will not come between us. As far as I'm concerned, there are no hard feelings even though it's a sensitive topic that is emotionally charged."
Resources
http://kutv.com/news/local/lds-church-to-exclude-children-of-same-sex-couples-from-membership
https://www.ksl.com/?sid=37248288&nid=148&title=lds-church-bans-membership-for-children-of-same-sex-couples&s_cid=queue-1
Comment:
"I am completely disgusted by this. I am so done with the church. This was the nail in the coffin."
Comment:
"Nooooooo."
My Comment:
"Unfortunately this is true. I have seen the handbook, and the church PR person has confirmed that this is true."
Comment:
"Yes it's very real... It's being reported on KSL and in the Deseret News, both are church owned media."
Comment:
"The "brethren" have their own handbook. It's true and been confirmed."
Comment:
"Let me know if you ever want to talk. Took me a while to realize I wasn't a "different" Mormon, I just wasn't one of them. The most frightening thing was the thought that my kids could grow up thinking this behavior was ok. I wanted better for them, and it's out there. Promise."
Comment:
" I just don't know how primary teachers will be able to teach lessons about "It's Great to be 8!" But then have to explain to little Sarah that she can't be baptized when she's 8 because she has 2 moms. It's just a mess."
Comment:
"I don't think this scenario is one to fret over. if you're saying that Sarah is in the Primary class listening to "It's Great to be 8!" that scenario is unlikely to occur. Non-member parents, particularly in this case, probably wouldn't send or take their children to Primary."
Comment:
"So if I understand correctly... by excommunicating gay couples their children won't be raised in the church so it won't be a problem? If we kick out the parents we won't have to deal with the children?"
Comment:
"I'm trying to say that you seem concerned about that scenario happening, and that I don't think it will happen, so don't fret over that one. That's all I'm saying."
My Comment:
"Ah, but this scenario WILL happen somewhere at some point. There are children of nonmembers and even excommunicated parents who attend primary, yet they are not prevented from baptism or baby blessings. What happens when one of these children die after age 8 but before they are given permission to be baptized at age 18? I don't see any new policies that cover them. This is sad, and it's not doctrinal that I can see."
Comment:
"I agree with you--it's not the children's faults that their parents chose to be who they are."
My Comment:
"I don't want to start a debate, but none of my gay friends and family members "chose" to be gay. Chose to marry and have children, yes. Chose to be a Mormon, yes. But didn't choose to be gay, but finally chose to love themselves and be who God made them to be."
Comment:
"Thanks for posting. I am so disheartened by this new policy. This seems very far from the gospel of Jesus Christ and the spirit of love."
Comment:
"This is a really hard and sensitive topic. I can't say if I agree or disagree with this because for me it's more complicated than that. I have my own questions and concerns about doctrine and things within the church but I think most people have at least a couple things they question, so whenever I have an issue like this that makes me question things I take myself back to my foundational testimony: I know the church and book of mormon is true because I have received a witness that I cannot deny. Therefore if the church and book of mormon is true, then every apostle and prophet that has lead the church are inspired men called of God. So knowing the church is lead by men called of God with that said my natural thought is 'why would God be so cruel?' but then i have a humbling moment and realize God isn't cruel, because I know he loves me and if he loves me then I KNOW he loves everyone else (because i know i'm not always the easiest to love.) As confusing and conflicting as this may be, I think the most wisest thing is to not jump to conclusions and opinions just yet but trust your foundational testimony. The Family a Proclamation to the World was written 10 years or so before issues in it even became issues. We do not have all understanding but God does and the Prophet and Apostles do know more than we do and that is exactly that I personally have to trust. I am going to use this as an opportunity to bring myself closer to God by praying for comfort and understanding like I did when I first prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true and i'm going to continue to support our church leaders with an understanding that I don't know everything and the only way to gain that understanding is to keep myself close to the spirit"
Comment:
"The LDS church recently denied the daughter of a polygamous family her request to be baptized. Because her family is public (Sister Wives TV show), the first presidency told her she could not join the LDS church. She had already broken the news to her parents that she was changing religions and then she gets rejected. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with what's going on. My beliefs haven't changed but I feel the church turning away from me."
My Comment:
"I was disturbed by that as well. The young lady was clearly not interested in following polygamy, and she said her beliefs aligned with the mainstream Mormon church instead. But because she refused to disavow her family, she was denied baptism. I have a really difficult time when a church forces people to choose between the institution and their family. I'm certain that God does not require this of us. "As I have loved you, love one another.""
My Comment to someone who shared an apologetics article with me:
"Unfortunately, apologetics articles only make things worse for me, especially when they start out saying, "...clearly this is being blown out of proportion by those critical of the Church." I love you. I don't love the new policies, no matter how hard some try to justify it."
My Comment:
From Elder George Q. Cannon, with thanks to "By Common Consent" who first posted this.
“In some minds there seems to be an idea that there should be a different form of blessing for children born of non-members and for those who are identified with the Church; and it is from such sources that in the case of children belonging to members of the Church ‘the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob’ and all the attendant favors are frequently conferred upon the child. This is all wrong. If we take the example of our Lord and Redeemer, who is our pattern and whose example we cannot too closely follow, we find that He blessed all who were brought to Him. We have no hint that He asked whose children they were, or the standing or faith of their parents. His remark was, ‘Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven;’ and He laid His hands upon them and blessed them. All little children, no matter what their parentage may be, are innocent in the sight of heaven, and they should be received as such and blessed as such.”
The Editor [George Q. Cannon], “Topics of the Times,” Juvenile Instructor 34 (March 1, 1899): 137-138. Reprinted in Latter-day Saints’ Millennial Star 61 (March 30, 1899), 198-199; Latter-day Satins Southern Star 1 (April 29, 1899): 170.
Comment:
"So went to bed thinking about this.... And woke thinking about this... After much pondering this is my conclusion. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is about strengthing families. That being said, a gay couple that wants their child to be baptized at 8 years of age will be greatly increasing the chances of serious conflict within themselves and their family. It is not fair to assume that a child can sit in an LDS Primary class, listen to the lessons taught, and easily accept that their parents refuse to abide by one of the Church's fundamental beliefs (marraige is between a man and a woman). With that said I will continue to support and love the leaders of this church. And I agree with this policy change."
My Comment:
"There are some members who are able to reconcile these new policies. There are many who cannot. I'm one of the people who cannot.
It was difficult for my daughter to sit in Primary and YW all her life and listen to lessons about families being together forever when she was denied that blessing because her parent (me) sinned. Because I have not been married and probably never will get married, my daughter and I will never be considered a "forever family" according to church policy. The church equates fornication (something I did) to homosexual relations, adultery, and all kinds of behavior. My daughter grew up being taught that what I did was contrary to the church teachings. She grew up not singing father's day songs because I allowed her to sit out on those Sundays. It did not drive a wedge between her and me.
Why is it fair that my daughter was able to be baptized even though I sinned at a level that is on par with homosexual behavior? Why are children of murderers and sex offenders allowed to be baptized? Those parents aren't living church standards, either. There is one child that I know of who was scheduled for baptism tomorrow. Her mom is active LDS and divorced from the dad, who is now in a gay relationship. The dad approves of the baptism, but the girl is not allowed to be baptized. How is that fair to the child who has looked forward to baptism her whole life, only to be told the day before that she cannot be baptized due to the new policy? As time goes on, we will hear more examples of how this policy is causing division among families. How many more suicides of gay members will be tolerated before there is a message of love and inclusion instead of banning children from ordinances?
While I understand the points that some people are making regarding the baptisms, I do not understand why the church would deny a name and a blessing to a baby who is not making any covenants during the blessing. There is nothing divisive about a baby blessing.
You are a good person. I love your family immensely. We will just need to leave it at a disagreement that I hope will not come between us. As far as I'm concerned, there are no hard feelings even though it's a sensitive topic that is emotionally charged."
Resources
- What Do We Know of God’s Will For His LGBT Children? An Examination of the LDS Church’s Position on Homosexuality: https://mormonlgbtquestions.com/2017/03/17/what-do-we-know-of-gods-will-for-his-lgbt-children-an-examination-of-the-lds-churchs-position-on-homosexuality/
- Science vs. Dogma: Biology Challenges the LDS Paradigm by Gregory A. Prince: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gssnz1WZ3dU&feature=youtu.be
- Healing from Institutional Actions: http://drkristymoney.com/healing-from-institutional-actions/
- When a Loved One is Suicidal: https://www.symmetrysols.com/single-post/2017/11/02/When-a-Loved-One-is-Suicidal
- How to Support Our LGBT+ Teens: https://www.symmetrysols.com/single-post/2017/03/16/How-to-Support-our-LGBT-Teens
- Family Acceptance Project: http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/
- Mama Dragons: http://mamadragons.org/
- Rational Faiths - Remember, Remember: http://rationalfaiths.com/remember-remember/
- Rational Faiths - The Theology of the Proclamation: http://rationalfaiths.com/the-theology-of-the-proclamation/
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