Happiness Never Was Wickedness

An oft-used scripture and phrase in the Mormon church is: "Wickedness never was happiness."

That might be true, but I'd like to turn it around to say, "Happiness never was wickedness." Anyway, who gets to define what wickedness is? Well, the Mormon church and its publications have defined "apostasy" as wickedness. (See the image below, which was taken from the June 2018 issue of the church's magazine that is targeted to the youth.)

I'm here to dispel the myth that apostasy=wickedness. 
I'm here to put a face to who the church labels as wicked.
I'm here to say that I'm happy, not wicked.

You see, by the church's definition, I am an apostate. And the church equates apostasy with wickedness. But I am far from wicked.

Here's what I am:

• kind
• thoughtful
• generous
• silly
• adventurous
• strong
• sometimes feisty :-) 
• happy

But by the church's definition of wickedness, all those wonderful traits that I've carried my whole life mean absolutely nothing. Honestly, their words don't hurt me anymore, but when there are messages that could harm my relationships or put false notions into the hearts of my loved ones, I will speak up!

I'm here to tell you that the church is dead wrong about me and about others who have chosen a life outside the church.

Do you want to know what's wicked?

• Slandering people for following their individual paths
• Preaching about free agency, yet disparaging those who use it
• Contradicting the Article of Faith that talks about people worshiping who, where, or what they may
• Creating unnecessary fear in the hearts of loved ones who are believers

These continuous messages about apostasy reeks of desperation. Quoting church leader Jeffrey Holland as he spoke to a congregation who laughed along at his words: "I am so furious with people who leave this church. What kind of patty-cake, taffy pull experience is that? As if none of this ever mattered...I'm not going to let you leave it. Stay in the boat." (I left out most of his rant from the quote.) As he continued making fun of people who leave the church, the congregation laughed. It reminded me of the comparison to the "great and spacious building" that is often used as an analogy for when wicked people make fun and laugh at believers. It seems a little ironic to me.

An overused phrase is "you can leave the church, but you can't leave it alone." There are probably some people who think that about me, and that's okay. I occasionally need to say something about the church that I belonged to for 50 years. I occasionally need to process things. I occasionally need to speak out because it's not only helpful for me, but it's helpful for others like me, and it can even be helpful for my believing loved ones to hear this perspective.

On the other hand, the church refuses to leave us alone! (I'm not referring to my friends who are still in the church. I still want to be their friends.) I'm referring to the higher-up leaders, the church curriculum, the church publications. They continue to talk about us and place wedges between us and our loved ones who are in the church.

My friends and family in the church are put in a difficult position. Do they associate with apostates or not? They have to answer a temple-worthiness question about whether or not they associate or sympathize with apostates. Do they follow the us vs. them mentality? Or do they love without an agenda to bring us back to the church?

Do my friends and family think that I'm wicked? Maybe they disagree with me on a few things, but I doubt that they think that I'm wicked! Yet, this is the message that they are getting from the church, on multiple fronts, on a continuous basis.

You have children afraid of their own parents.
You have spouses afraid of their own spouses.
You have parents who are heartbroken because their children are "wayward" or have "strayed."

In the words of well-respected Mormon leader Dieter Uchtdorf, "STOP IT!"

Keep in mind these things:

• There is NO SUPPORT for individuals and families who are undergoing a faith transition.
• Even though many people who undergo a faith transition remain in the church, they have NO SUPPORT!
• And when their loved ones leave the church, they have NO SUPPORT!

Another well-used Mormon scripture states: "Men are that they might have joy." For some of us, we find joy outside the church. We are still good people.

It shouldn't matter that we don't subscribe to a particular religion's belief system.
It shouldn't matter that we might want to drink a cup of coffee.
It shouldn't matter that we choose to donate our money and time to worthy causes outside the church.

What should matter?
Whether you subscribe to a set of religious beliefs or not, these types of things should matter:

•  Are you kind to others?
•  Do you lend a hand when someone needs help?
•  Do you put in an honest day's work?
•  Do you treat your family well?
•  Do you teach your children to be good people?
•  Are you trustworthy?
•  Do you build others up instead of tear them down?
•  Do you stop gossip in its tracks?
•  Do you respect other people's boundaries and enforce your own boundaries?
•  Do you sincerely apologize when necessary?
•  Do you accept apologies and forgive?

Thankfully, the majority of my friends and family can see past the rhetoric that has the potential to create unnecessary fear and division between us.

Unfortunately, there are many others that I'm aware of that are judged harshly, shunned, and even disowned. Not because they are bad or toxic people, but because they are considered apostates.

What a horrible, ugly label to put on someone.

That's what I consider wicked.